5 Lessons I Will Not Repeat Going Forward

Every day I learn a little more about what it takes to balance my life. Balance is a very fragile thing, and as I have sought to create more of it for myself there are several hard lessons I’ve had to learn. Some of them harder than other. The ones I believe I have mastered I mention here…

What good is a lesson if you don’t learn anything? That questions come to mind more than I would like to admit. Honestly, I’ve repeated more lessons than I would have liked because I didn’t get it the first time. The following mistakes come from lessons learned. With a little faith, my incredible support system, and a whole lot of determination I won’t repeat them.

5 Lessons I will not repeat going forward

Ignoring my body.

Here’s the thing, when I’m on a roll writing everything fades to black. Music becomes white noise, the television seems to only play commercials, and everything from the sound of my growling stomach to a throbbing headache go unnoticed. The rhythm of the work draws me in. My veins flush with adrenaline, and my thoughts stream until the only thing I’m aware of is the steady drumming of my fingers against the keys and the letters flying faster than I can read them.

I get lost in the work. It’s a good thing. Too much of a good thing can kill you.

I know this because after months of working hard on my follow-up release I hit a wall. A series of illnesses plagued me. Unexplainable stomach pain, unrelenting headaches, and endless nausea deterred and eventually delayed completely my follow-up work.

It wasn’t until a forced three-day vacation from all things writing/work related unceremoniously turned into a two-week complete shutdown. I was exhausted. The warning signs were back to back, but I didn’t make the connection. My body told me I was doing too much and I ignored it. I flat-out refused to listen.

The result was a complete delay in my follow-up to The Alpha’s Dream. Initial plans were to have it released the last week of October 2017. I didn’t do that, because I needed to take care of myself. Self-care is priority in a creative business. The hours are long, the gratification often delayed, and the amount of time I spend praying that something good  comes of this is a full-time job in itself. All of that means a lot of mental and physical stress on the body, and I do not take for granted what can happen if I ignore it again.

Ignoring my systems.

Sometimes, when I’m excited about a project I jump ahead of myself. I tend to get excited about the ending, and skim through the middle. I don’t like to wait. My patience is a huge problem that my little darlings are teaching me to work on. I’m very good at planning. I know what must be done at each phase of my writing and when it should be executed to maximize the work to be done. I know how to create a fluid plan to smoothly create any project. What I struggle with is following my plan.

The system to create is imperative for my time management needs. When I ignore my system, I ignore my timeline for publication, my self-care needs, and my obligations to my family. The added crunch to complete the work adds stress and fatigue atop normal pressure.

I don’t want to burnout on what I love simply because I’m excitable.

It is my responsibility to myself and my art that I follow the systems I’ve created because I know they are built to work for me. I have crafted them with the express desire of optimizing my productivity and minimizing my stress. So I have to work within the plan I have created.

Harboring Doubt.

I struggle to believe in my work. Not because I genuinely feel like it isn’t good, but because I am hardwired to second-guess my ability. It is my nature, and its effects on my day-to-day life are sometimes palpable. My doubt hides in my spine. It lingers in the crack of my knuckles. It slides down my throat like cold coffee. It is always there.

I have learned to do well by ignoring it, but there it remained. I have decided that In 2018 I am not ignoring anything that harms me. Instead, I will acknowledge and address. I don’t know that I will ever live a doubt free life. I do know however, that the power doubt has over my life can be edited. How I live depends on my ability to soften the effects of doubt. The damage of never trusting oneself can end careers before they really start. I have enough staked against me. The best I can do for myself is not added to the pile.

Overthinking each phase of my process.

Planning is critical, but over planning is the death of all good ideas. I know this because I am staring a  binder filled with at least twenty character sketches and over forty premises from last year alone. They were from brainstorming sessions while trying to decide what my next release should be.  In the end, none of them made the cut. Instead, I went with my first thought and decided to follow what felt like the natural progression.

I wasted approximately  two months worth of writing time trying to decide what to write next. That may not seem like a long time to some, but to me it’s the difference between publishing one novel last year and several novels/novellas this year.

I want to be right. I want to make the perfect follow-up choice and so I analyze every trivial detail. If you aren’t a person who obsesses over details, then you live a good life.  Overthinking will melt your ice cream sundae. It will drown your puppy and it most certainly will kill a first draft.

Not this year.

Hermiting away from my support system.

When I am stressed, I hide. When I am frustrated or uncertain or otherwise tormented, I hide. Before kids, I would lay in bed underneath my covers and sleep entire days away. Post children, I can’t really do that. Instead, I simply won’t answer any phone calls. I don’t text back. I don’t answer the door when people come over.

My oldest friends know the deal. For the most part, they leave me be knowing I will unexpectedly snap out of it one day. Sometimes, they simply come in any way. They find a way into my hermit crab shell and drag me out of it. Usually it’s for my own good and very much appreciated.

It is highly unhealthy to disappear from your own life. If this is something you do, seek help from a professional. At the very least, clue your closest allies into the fact that this is happening. Say it out loud. When other’s know it, when you have said you disappear because the thoughts in your head are unforgiving, they can be present with you. They can help you process.

I know enough to know that the life I want for my darlings is one  where they face any struggles head on. When I hermit, I am unable to be accountable for the things that have forced me inside my shell. Refusing to hermit means that I must take stock of the things tripping me up.

One of my dearest friends called me on this a few days ago. I told her my goals. I asked her to help me be accountable and the first thing she said was “You can’t pull that crab shit and disappear. No, for real Jocelyn.”

It’s a real problem and a mistake to continue allowing it power over my life. I’ve learned my lesson. When I give myself permission to hermit, I give myself permission to disregard every other aspect of my life that requires my presence.

 

There is still a lot I have to learn, but with these lessons off my plate I open myself up to more beneficial experiences. If I am going to be the wife, mother, author that I am striving for then I must also be the woman who learns from her mistakes and moves forward.

What lessons are you finally ready to close the chapter on? comment below.

 

Joy.

 

 

 

 

8 Goals for 2018 (And How I Will Accomplish Them)

New year and new challenges. My life as an author is growing. Here are the ways I plan to challenge myself further and ride the new year momentum to have my greatest year as an author to date.

 

Let’s start with a recap. Last year, I took a leap of faith and promised myself I would st at faithful until something spectacular happened. Well, it did. My debut release, The Alpha’s Dream was well received. The feedback was amazing, and the good reviews far outweighed the bad. Even more so, my readers reached in. They sent me emails, left reviews, and found me to ask that I keep it up.

I’ve never been so excited about a project in my life.

Still, it wasn’t without it’s flaws. I made a ton of newbie mistakes, and I lost faith a time or two. The piling on came after my youngest was born. Little darlings mean very little time to write. Yet, I managed. With the time I spent away from the keyboard, I tuned into every webinar, eCourse, and masterclass that I could that I believed would enhance my writing, and my other entrepreneurial feats in 2018. Now, I’m ready to put all of that in action.

I say all that to say, the goals I put here are lofty for me. They require tons of planning, lots of manipulation of my time, and unwavering determination. I have the ability to complete them all, and until I don’t, know that I will complete them all.

To begin…

I will publish six (6) bodies of work this year.

This year is all about planning and time management. I have quite a few projects on deck  and in order for me to execute them I am going to have work really smart. I can’t risk burn out or days off because of exhaustion.  So I’ve looked at my schedule and figured out how I can maximize my time to include two full releases, and four novellas. As long as my word counts are reasonable, I will be able to execute great products timely.

Here’s the thing, most of the authors in my genre publish 8-12 ebooks a year. This cycle of work keeps their readers engaged, and their coins jingling. It also keeps them glued to their laptop/desks/notebooks. Since I am a full time mom, all day every day, and a full time writer at night I have to be honest with myself about my writing and time. Six bodies of work has me publishing every eight (8) weeks. I have two bodies of work due for completion as I type this. Soon enough, I will start to drop the information on release dates, but know this. I’m asking a lot of myself to complete this, and I will not fail.

I will press submit on 60 blog posts.

I love blogging. I cannot begin to explain how much joy I get from working on these weekly snippets into my life. They are fun, and invite me to socialize in a way that would normally make me feel awkward. I plan to exploit this little slice of peace for as long as I possibly can. I’ve even decided to create a second blog. There will be more time to discuss that later,

What I can say for JocelynYoung.com is that it’s original purpose as a simple author blog has been superseded. What comes now is more resources for current, and would-be authors. I have a lot to share, and I know you can use it. So, come here for insights on my books and information on how to become your very own publisher.

Between this blog and the one I have in the works, I will undoubtedly hit my goal.

I will develop forty (40) new products for my Redbubble shop presence.

I fell in love with Redbubble when I was looking for stickers for decoration purpose. I love the shopkins stickers my darlings so willingly shared, but I only put them on things because they give them to me. Once I was hooked on Redbubble’s stickers, I started looking at even more things. Redbubble with its endless supply of snarky tee shirts, crazy designs on mugs, and its super cute totes was fun to walk through. I decided to create a shop of my own.

I’ve been compiling a list of ideas and products styles I’d like to see. Most everything is geared toward writers, and readers. Through Photoshop, Canva, and quite a few free for commercial use sites I will be spending my Sundays crafting and uploading new images for use.

At the end of last year, I decided to take my fun little side project seriously. I’ve been working to create a more cohesive look and more products that speak to my overall brand. I know you will love them. All you have to do is check out my Redbubble store and find your next favorite tote, journal, mug, and/or floor pillow.

 

I will develop 2 evergreen writing resources for current and would-be authors.

I’ve learned a lot over the last three years of my career. The road to publishing my own work first started with my being a co-writer on what turned out to be a popular series. I worked hard, and scrambled to learn everything I could, but found there were still gaps in what I knew. When I reached out, I was left empty handed. So, I decided to share everything I’ve learned about being an author. One of the ways I’ve decided to do that is through accessible resources. I want you to know what I know. I want you to learn from my mistakes, and I cannot do that if I don’t have a way to share it with you.

So, I’m currently fleshing out two resources that will surely help you in your writing process. I’ve largely used my needs as a writer to determine what resources come first. I’ll get into detail about what resources I’ll roll out first, but notAs I get closer to their development, I’ll share more details. You don’t have to worry it won’t be long.

I will grow my Facebook and Instagram presence by 20%.

It’s important to me to connect with my readers. Without you guys supporting The Alpha’s Dream, there is no way I would be able to continue writing as my only income. It’s my aim to be more accessible. My author Facebook page is up and active, and I’ve been creating new images for my Instagram and I have high hopes of reconnecting with some of the readers I started meeting there.

My Facebook and Instagram growth is all about consistency, and being able to show you guys who I am. Drop me a line when you get there. Let me know what it is you’d like to know about me. I’ll share a lot of myself, but there are still some things I’ll keep private. What I do share won’t be filler.

I will streamline my creation of characters, and outline process.

As I said in the beginning, I have a lot of goals and limited time to complete them. In order to do all that I have planned, I have to rework my process. The smoother I can make every piece of my process, the more fluidly the rest of my plans will go.

I’m developing the key points to each task so I can create a better system to address my process. By examining each aspect of my process and then determining the most critical components, I will then be able to create a system that will skip any filler portions.  Smarter, not harder work. I have hard work without making an effort.

I will complete four courses/webinars that will enhance my craft and/or entrepreneurial goals.

Information is powerful. In order to stay on top of my craft it is critical for me to signup for and participate in the courses that will help me take my authorprenuership to the next level. There are still many things I have to learn about publishing, and writing. High on my lists are courses that concern marketing, and time management techniques.

Being and author is my career. This means I have to be effective in my ability to promote myself and execute quality work in a timely manner. There area a few bloggers who I love, and follow almost to the point of obsessing. This year, while I am expanding my backlist, I will be working on other things that will ensure my longevity within my authoring career and in other avenues I love.

I will forgive myself swiftly and unconditionally whenever I fail.

The thing about lofty goals is that there is a lot of room for error. I’ve created a great plan for this year, but that isn’t to say it isn’t lofty. One thing having children has taught me is that the best laid plans can go to hell with one bad hour. I have a tendency to come down on myself really hard when what I have planned doesn’t bring about the results I need or want.

Not this year.

This year, I will roll with the punches. I am still only human, and I have to stop ignoring that fact when I am too exhausted or sick, or otherwise just unable to complete the tasks I set for myself. I will always put my best foot forward. I strive to hit everyone of my goals for this year, but I am not going to sulk when things don’t come together the way I want them too.

Instead, I am going to take a deep breath, and reassess what I have to conquer. I won’t let failure hold me back any longer. Not under any circumstances. I’m a best foot forward kind of woman. I will always be, but I don’t have to continue to be my own worst critic.

 

There you have it. My eight priority goals for 2018. What about you? What are you working on and how do you plan to get there? Drop me a comment and let me know.

 

Joy.

 

 

#NowThereAreThree: Reflections on the birth of my third child and writing.

I was wrong. Birthing books is not like birthing babies.

Not completely.

On the sixteenth of May, I gave birth to my third child. I am both completely in awe and totally exhausted. My heart is filled with love and calm satisfaction. Finally…here.

My journey to motherhood was as tumultuous as my journey to being an author. My third live birth is one of six pregnancies I’ve had in my life. For those of you who don’t know, there is nothing as unforgiving as a womb that eats your children. There is nothing to fill the void, and it doesn’t matter how far between they come.

I will never have a pregnancy where I am not worried about loss. Ever.

With this in mind, each live birth steals my breath. It erases years of doubt, shame, and hopelessness. It isn’t real until my little ones  are laying on my chest, their little hearts beating against mine.  My first darling, was born healthy despite the surgery I had halfway through my pregnancy.  My second darling, was full of gestational diabetes worry. The last one, when my newest darling was born, was the smoothest pregnancy I’ve ever experience. Healthy, happy, and whole babies came here on a wing and a prayer and much, much grace.

When I stare down into the newest face, I am full of prayers of thankfulness. It is still surreal that my body which for years ignored my pleas for children could somehow bring them forth now. I do not take this for granted.

I have long advocated for a woman’s right to choose motherhood, in part because it has always felt like my body didn’t have to acknowledge my choice. Now, when they are in my arms and I see them thriving and I am humbled. My cup runneth over.

I count their fingers and toes. I say prayers over their crowns.  I listen for the soft hum of their breath and watch for the steady rhythm of their rapidly beating hearts. They are here and I was the conduit that brought them here.

Hallelujah. Amen.

To have them here is the manifestation of many prayers having come along on the tail end of lost faith.

When I think of the process of publishing the Alpha’s Dream, I have similar feelings. There were many false starts. There were several failed attempts and The Alpha’s Dream was published at a time when I was at the end of my rope. It has not been without flaws. There are still some issues I will have to address in the second edition, but I am thankful. I am sure this is what I want and what is destined for my life.

It is here and I was the conduit that brought it here.

My days are stretched thinner than ever before, but I love it. I am devoted to being a #MamaAuthor. I will thin myself out to fill these  roles and that of being a wife, because of the value they add to my being. I am full of joy ya’ll. I am full of gratitude. I don’t take one second of this as common or replaceable.

My writing will take a back seat for a few weeks, but I am still creating. I can’t wait to bring you guys a new release, but in this moment I have a new life to celebrate.

To all the mamaauthors out there, to all the creators who turn emptiness into life – cheers. We are the true makers of this world.

Joy.

#RaisingReaders: Reasons it’s important to me to raise children who read

Some of the best advice I was given as a writer was to write everyday and to read everyday.  Words to live by.

After the birth of my children, I found myself thinking a lot about books. From all the research and studies conducted, the impact of reading to children during their formative years is lifelong. Education is big our home. Knowledge and access to information are things we openly discuss and advocate.

It was a no-brainer for us that we would incorporate books into daily life of our children. The result is my littles love to read. They enjoy a good book as much as I do and a trip to the library may as well be the state fair. It’s an ordeal. I love that.

As an author, I feel a lot of responsibility in nurturing their love of books. I want their relationship with literature to be one that thrills them for the rest of their lives. With that being said, I’m pretty critical of the books I read to them. There are several criteria I look for when establishing a reading habit for my littles. I’ll discuss those in a later post. This post is all about them being readers period.

When I was a child, the library was a sanctuary for my siblings and I. I wasn’t a fast reader, didn’t eat up series after series like my sister did, but I did love the process of choosing books and what they represented for me.

It was more than just a way to pass the time.

The cliché is that it became an escape. There’s a lot of truth in that, but as I think about it now I’m sure there are deeper levels. What I found in books was exposure. In the small town that I grew up in, there were very firm ideas about identity, race, and cultural norms. In books, I was able to expand my vision of those things. Writers have been critical in shaping my values, my belief systems, and my personal identity.  I want that for my kids.

There are things that I cannot teach them, because I don’t have the experiences to accurately express them. Even though I don’t have the tools, these lessons are still things they must learn. By nurturing their love for books, I’m giving them another resource to turn to when their father and I don’t have the answers.  I’m also giving them autonomy, teaching them responsibility in seeking answers to their problems/ questions, and allowing them the freedom to live beyond the natural circle of our lives.

Raising readers, isn’t just about expanding our children’s ability to read and process information. It is about giving them access to a larger world that they may not otherwise experience. Teaching empathy toward fights they may not have to face, and still giving them authority over what they learn.

They are getting older and will soon take more ownership over the books they read or that are read to them. By then, I’m hoping to have firmly rooted them in the power of taking authority over the information they receive, among other lessons.  Hopefully, what they will come to recognize is that books are an expanded universe of their own and all they have to do is be brave enough to dive into it.

Is storytime important in your home? Comment with some of the ways you share books?

Joy

#PostBabyBirthWerk

I’m currently 35 weeks pregnant. I’ve always delivered at 37 weeks, almost down to the minute. I’m not expecting anything different this time.

As I write this, there is still a ton of baby preparations that need to take place. In two weeks.  Don’t look at me like that, I know I should be done with baby prep. I normally would be mostly done at this point. Things are a little different right now due to the release of The Alpha’s Dream. My time has been stretched to the limits for the last five months to say the least. So, there have been…delays.

I’m worried about  getting it all done, but that isn’t new. I’m always nervous about getting it all done. Somehow, I pull it off. Could be the craziness makes me focus. Or, it could be that I thrive on last-minute details. Whatever the inspiration for finishing, it gets finish. That is what matters, right?

To add a little more pressure to an already pinching situation, my eldest turns three at the end of May. So, there will be a birth, a birthday party, and yet more promotions for The Alpha’s Dream going on at the same time. What can I say? I live on the edge.

Just, not so close to the edge that a slight wind will blow me off. That translates into lots of preparations as my clock winds down. As much as I would like to be one of those women who give birth on a Friday and race back to work on Monday, I’m not.

I need recovery time. I need a couple of days at least to snuggle up with the new little and assure my older littles of their permanent places in my heart.  It is just as important to me that my darlings know how valuable they are to me as it is that my writing career thrives. So, I take precautions. I make hella plans, and it is no different this time around.

While managing my home front, I have to honor that writing is my business. I have to take care of the business even when things are going a little haywire in my home life. So here is a list of about five things I am currently doing to keep my feet firmly planted in both worlds as I welcome a new life into mine.

Pre-Planning my Blog Post

I love my blog more than I would have ever imagined. It is much more han just a place to talk about my releases and other important book publishing information. It’s a little like a second home when it comes to my connection to my work. I love it. However, It is time consuming. I’ve been working to really create a platform that I feel represents me in the multi-facets of my life. It probably isn’t the best way to run an authors’ blog, but its how i like it.

I suspect I won’t be working much once baby is here. So while I’m working on my blog editorial, I’ll make more notes than usual on the blogs I will post. In addition, I will schedule as many as possible. I won’t consistency in my blog and I like to keep you guys connected. The love is real and mutual. So, I will be sure to keep you in mind while I’m in recovery.

 

Post-Birth Book Giveaway

With The Alpha’s Dream finally being live, I’m planning giveaways of the digital copy for while I’m away. I have all the details in place except one-the start date. The giveaway will began the day after my little is born. It’s a celebratory event of the great changes that are happening in my life. So many dreams coming true at once makes my heart full. I want to share it with you, and what better way than this.

There is no purchase necessary. To qualify, you must ‘like’ my Facebook fan page and then leave a comment on the pinned post specifically about the giveaway. Winners will be chosen at random.

Catching up on some reading

Writers should always be readers too. There are quite a few books I’ve been meaning to dive into and I plan to do  just that between feedings and naps. I’m not going to be overly ambitious about how many books I’ll get to, but I do have an extensive list. I’m going to compile them and post  asap. I would love to hear what you all are reading. Be sure to leave a comment below with any I should add to my list.

Social Media and other Interactions

There are still some hands on things I will have to do despite being mostly pulled away.  I can schedule some of my social media, but I have to make personal time for somethings. I’ll be on Instagram and good reads periodically just to check in. In case you didn’t know,  my Goodreads author page is finally  up and running. I have no friends. You should come and be friends with me there.  I promise it’ll be fun.

Recovering

The only way to be an effective business woman and an dedicated author is knowing when to take time away. I have a few projects I will love to dabble in while trying to sleep and shower. What I know is that if I don’t take my time and allow my body what it needs, I won’t be up to the hours it takes for me to craft a great book. I want my second release to be as fun as my first has been and that won’t happen if I’m burned out.

I’ll take at least one long mama-is-having-a-moment-bath. I will eat lots of snowballs, and neglect the laundry. I will indulge in all the baby giggles I can while still balancing the noise level for a hopefully good sleeper newborn. Let me dream big, okay?! Just let me have these moments.

I don’t know what life is really going to look like once baby three is here. I have absolutely no foundation for what it will mean to put everything together. What I do know is that it will be worth the wait. Every moment will change me a little more. It was the same way with my older two and with the conception and release of The Alpha’s Dream.  The methods I’ve listed here are just part of the way I intend to find balance. Work is work. Family is family, but i need them both to thrive.

Any other mama’s out there balancing work and children? Leave me a comment below on how you make it all work.

Joy

 

 

#LaborandDelivery

The Alpha’s Dream is officially live.

My heart is a toddler at Disney World. Excited, drunk with happiness, and over stimulated. All the insecurities I have had about this project are out of my hands now. What I know is that I’ve loved Nathaniel and Euphoria since their conception. I knew they were beautiful before the were flesh and bone and vibrant personalities. I learned them as they grew beneath my fingers.

I am happy to have introduced them to you, their village.

All of these metaphors are corny. I know, but they come from an honest and sincere place. They also come from my pregnant brain which as I write this is staring down the barrel at my due date. In theory, I have five more weeks. In theory.

All of my little darlings have come three weeks early. So, It’s very likely that I only have two weeks left. Birthing books and babies almost feels the same. Almost. One of those things is definitely more painful than the other. Nonetheless, they both come with fear and want. My heart swells when I think of the lives they will take on and they both make me feel like I am exactly where I should be.

The Alpha’s Dream is a manifestation of so many dreams. The newest little love who will soon follow is a manifestation of dreams as well. As they both grow and thrive,  my hope is  that I never forget these things were born of nothing. These things came to exist where once was only barren land. Gratitude above all things. Faith woven within and I am forever humbled.

Joy.

#MamasatWork

With the official launch day of The Alpha’s Dream being only six days away (April 23rd), I’ve had a little time to reflect. One of the things I constantly think about is how much time I spend away from my little loves while I work. The eldest is nearly 3. Often, when I say mama has to work, I’m immediately bombarded with tears and pleas not to go.

It feels like the ultimate in betrayal to close the door on my children and write.

It feels frivolous.

I’ve had to get creative with explaining to my little ones what mama does and why mama does it. They don’t always understand, but it helps me to say out loud there is a purpose for my actions.

I’m a writer because I love to write. I am a writer because I love to read, and I find words powerful. I am a writer because it is my passion. I feel deeply that it is one of my purposes in life. I write because it supports their lives and my ability to be with them on a daily basis.

There is nothing easy about being away from my little loves while I work. Even though we are in the same house and in theory I can reach them at any time. It is a heartbreaking separation. It feels selfish to be so close and still miss bed time routines and evening wind downs. It is frustrating to her the current littlest crying, but knowing if I even peek out it will only make things worse. Their father is more than capable of tackling their challenging moments even if it’s not in my preferred way. I know they are ultimately okay.

When I remind them mama works because it helps to pay for the bath water they love to play in or their favorite foods, I am also reminding myself. My writing is part of our livelihood. It is part of the way that I say to my lover, we are on the same team. We are building our life together. Writing is part of the way I say to my little loves dreams are valid and worthy of being chased. My example is how they will learn to survive on doing what they love when the time comes.

Writing is part of the way I say to myself it is okay that corporate America was not your best choice.

In a perfect world, as I write more and my books become more profitable it will become clearer to all of us that the hours aren’t wasted. Being a mama author is nothing if not a constant juggle of priorities. It is a battle of who is loved more and how much time the more loved gets.

I love my children. I do not lie to them about what my writing is for me and us. I also do not dismiss their feelings on the matter. Mama works because these little loves deserve all things divine. Their father and I are determined to give those things to them.

Joy.