#NowThereAreThree: Reflections on the birth of my third child and writing.

I was wrong. Birthing books is not like birthing babies.

Not completely.

On the sixteenth of May, I gave birth to my third child. I am both completely in awe and totally exhausted. My heart is filled with love and calm satisfaction. Finally…here.

My journey to motherhood was as tumultuous as my journey to being an author. My third live birth is one of six pregnancies I’ve had in my life. For those of you who don’t know, there is nothing as unforgiving as a womb that eats your children. There is nothing to fill the void, and it doesn’t matter how far between they come.

I will never have a pregnancy where I am not worried about loss. Ever.

With this in mind, each live birth steals my breath. It erases years of doubt, shame, and hopelessness. It isn’t real until my little ones  are laying on my chest, their little hearts beating against mine.  My first darling, was born healthy despite the surgery I had halfway through my pregnancy.  My second darling, was full of gestational diabetes worry. The last one, when my newest darling was born, was the smoothest pregnancy I’ve ever experience. Healthy, happy, and whole babies came here on a wing and a prayer and much, much grace.

When I stare down into the newest face, I am full of prayers of thankfulness. It is still surreal that my body which for years ignored my pleas for children could somehow bring them forth now. I do not take this for granted.

I have long advocated for a woman’s right to choose motherhood, in part because it has always felt like my body didn’t have to acknowledge my choice. Now, when they are in my arms and I see them thriving and I am humbled. My cup runneth over.

I count their fingers and toes. I say prayers over their crowns.  I listen for the soft hum of their breath and watch for the steady rhythm of their rapidly beating hearts. They are here and I was the conduit that brought them here.

Hallelujah. Amen.

To have them here is the manifestation of many prayers having come along on the tail end of lost faith.

When I think of the process of publishing the Alpha’s Dream, I have similar feelings. There were many false starts. There were several failed attempts and The Alpha’s Dream was published at a time when I was at the end of my rope. It has not been without flaws. There are still some issues I will have to address in the second edition, but I am thankful. I am sure this is what I want and what is destined for my life.

It is here and I was the conduit that brought it here.

My days are stretched thinner than ever before, but I love it. I am devoted to being a #MamaAuthor. I will thin myself out to fill these  roles and that of being a wife, because of the value they add to my being. I am full of joy ya’ll. I am full of gratitude. I don’t take one second of this as common or replaceable.

My writing will take a back seat for a few weeks, but I am still creating. I can’t wait to bring you guys a new release, but in this moment I have a new life to celebrate.

To all the mamaauthors out there, to all the creators who turn emptiness into life – cheers. We are the true makers of this world.

Joy.

#amediting

Nathaniel Blanchard isn’t looking for a relationship, let alone a mate. In fact, he is in the process of ending one relationship that is more trouble than it was ever worth. Determined to shift gears and turn all of his attention to his new company, he’s sworn to keep his distance from women.

When Euphoria Atkins walks into his office as a potential employee, she literally transforms the energy of the room. Nathaniel feels a connection to her unlike any he’s ever had with anyone. When his wolf insists they hold on to her, Nathaniel isn’t so sure.

What follows is a tension filled journey that will force both of them to face an unlikely future that neither is certain they want.

If you’ve been following along, you know that I am in the process of editing my first official release. The snippet above is about all I can share right now, but as we get closer to my release date I’ll give you guys a little more. This post isn’t about the plot, but the edit.

For the life of me, I can never get through an edit without feeling like I should scrap the whole thing and start over. It’s no different with this one. Normally when working with my clients,  I would make tweaks to give the story more fluidity and depth without major apprehension. I’m less likely to get attached to ideas that aren’t working and can see the inconsistency’s easily. It’s the opposite while working exclusively for myself.

There are so many things that don’t work, but I want to keep anyway. My attachment to the story as it is makes it even more difficult to smooth out the story. I’m going to have to get over that sooner than later. My aim is a great piece of shifter romance. I don’t need a few interesting pieces in the middle of a broken plot just for sentiments sake. It’s a process determining what to chop and what to work through. Nonetheless, I’m determined to get it right before crafting a second draft and sending it to my editor.

I’m excited by the reality that I am within a few short weeks of the realization of a dream. I think it is like that for all of us who dream long and vividly. There is a sense of pride for having come so far and a resurgence of motivation to stay the course. I’m looking forward to the final copy and the knowledge that despite everything, I’ve done this. I’ve created what I set out to create. I can hardly wait.

Nathaniel and Euphoria are facing a long journey together. What do you think it is? Leave your hypothesis in the comment section below.

Joy.

 

 

 

 

#Mamaauthor

My husband and I have been married for ten years (eleven years in August.) My husband and I suffered three miscarriages and immeasurable heartache in the five years we were actively trying to conceive. My husband and I couldn’t afford fertility treatments. If it were going to happen it was going to be the old fashion way. (It did…eventually.) My husband and I are expecting our third child in three years in May. My husband and I adore our little ones.

However, being an author is hard. Not where you thought this post was going? Bear with me. It all comes full circle.

In conventional ways, being a mother and being an author overlap each other by way of time. If I have time to write one of two things have happened. Either my husband has taken our darlings and whisked them away so I can have some quiet time or it is after hours, they are sleeping, and I should be too. To describe the oddity of waking up to the sound of your fingers typing is to live outside your body at all times.

There. I admitted it. I’m a sorceress. I can wrestle with house and husband and children all day and write romance stories in my sleep. Of course that would be first draft, pre-edit writing. What can I say? There are limits to my powers.

As I write this, there is a little darling nursing themselves to sleep in my lap. I should be weaning and I am sort of. Also, I should be editing, and I am. Sort of. Story of my life really.I am always trying to find the delicate balance between getting the job done directly in front of me and the one just inches from my face. Multitasking has its perks, but it also has its pitfalls. Namely everything always feels almost finished in my world, but not quite done.

I am not always up to embracing the challenges that come from mothering and authoring. Mainly, because I’m exhausted. I never feel like I’m doing it right, and at least half the time I’m just doing something I read somewhere. I’m not going to be too hard on myself about that. I read some really good shit.

I’ve had to learn that winging it is absolutely as powerful as knowing exactly what must be done and doing it. As knowing what must be written and writing it.  I’ve had to learn that somethings don’t balance the way you want them to, but there is growth in juggling. I’ve realized that it is okay to take two hard things and admit they are hard while still getting them done.

When the doctor told me my first born existed, I was in denial.  I called him a liar and spent the next fourteen weeks in disbelief. It was a similar experience when I was first encouraged to write for a living. I knew the work I’d put in silently to have these dreams come true, and it felt like I was being mocked to have someone tell me they were possible.

I’ve failed so many times. I would see the finished line only to have it extended another hundred miles. I didn’t want to hear that it would happen in time or keep going or any of the anecdotes and phrases that currently keep me alive.I wanted something tangible to convince me that what I desired could be real.

Here I am touching them both.(Finally.)  Albeit, I am definitely becoming more successful at one than the other at a much faster pace. 😉

I say all this, because today has been difficult. This last week has easily cemented itself as one of the hardest of my life. I’ve had to sit quietly and come clean with myself on a slew of very personal things. I questioned whether I should be doing this-right now.  Motherhood is permanent for me, but authorhood was on the verge of elimination. When I am crumbling, I have to get light. This is my way.

At the end of the day, I had to buck up. I had to think of how long I’d been fighting for the reality that I am living right now. I had to remember, everyday I am living an ideal life that I wanted and didn’t achieve until now.  The reality is I’ve waited too long for the opportunities that I am seeing unfold. I don’t want my unraveling to destroy all that I am working to build.

Then, there is the matter of my children. The is the matter of what I want them to believe about their mother and about life. We don’t give up, just because something is hard. I say that to them all the time. Particularly, my eldest who is fascinated by everything but sometimes intimidated if she doesn’t get it on the first try. I need them to see that difficulty is sometimes the catalyst we need to release fear and get it done.

So I fight through my uncertainty, my anxiety, and depression. I venture forward to prove it can be done. That I an survive my own thoughts and accomplish something great.

I am #mamaauthor. I am two thins I once believed I would never be and it is terrifying. It is also beautiful and it motivates me to keep believing impossible things can happen.

Joy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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#WIP Status Report: The Alpha Dream

If you’ve been following along, you’ve noticed that I’ve finally printed for edits my debut novella. It even has a name, The Alpha Dream or The Alpha’s Dream. I don’t know which one will show up on the cover yet, but you get the idea.

As we speak, I’m taking a break from procrastinating on my edits. Here’s the part where I confess it is because I’m kinda scared of all the chopping I’m going to have to do. There are a few plot holes I have to fill and a few choppy sections that I have to smooth. However, I’m up to the challenge.

Hopefully.

I can’t tell you much without feeling like I’ll be giving it all away. Suffice to say, that my characters are two transplant professionals who take a leap of faith right into each others arms. Yeah…right after they find every decent reason to run screaming in the wrong direction. A turn of events neither of them are sure they are ready to face forces them to confront the issues holding them back. It’s a total disaster…until it isn’t.

My debut hits close to home on a few fronts. It’s based in New Orleans, because I’m a Louisiana girl. New Orleans has always been an amalgamation of transplants and natives for me. It makes a lovely setting for a romance.  Louisiana is the perfect location for all things Shifter. I love when a setting comes together. Don’t you?

It’s hard for me to draw you in without giving you all the juicy details. Honestly, it feels kind of selfish to dangled them over your head. You’ll forgive me when you get the chance to read it. I’m sure of it. 🙂

In the meantime, I can tell you that the biggest hurdle for me was getting it to this point. The initial finish is always the hard part for me. Now, I have to get down to business. The baby-will-be-here countdown is t-minus four months. That’s like two weeks in pregnancy urgency time. I still have a few other books to get written and under my belt before the little love makes it here. Because what being a mother of two has taught me is that I am useless after birth. All I want to do is sleep and nurse my child. In addition to being a mama and eating all the junk food because I’m constantly starving.

In other words, I won’t be writing immediately after baby is born. So, I have to get it done now.

In the coming weeks, I will be posting snippets on my Instagram, twitter, and Facebook. Maybe even one or two will suddenly appear here. Who knows?!? I might get a little spontaneous.

I’ll also be looking for a slew of readers, bloggers, and book lovers to receive a free copy in exchange for an honest review on Amazon and Goodreads.  I’ll give you more details on that when I’m ready to dish it out. I can’t wait to share this with you. Save the date. #April 23rd, 2017. I can’t wait to see you there. Leave a comment on how you’d like to be charmed into reading my debut!

Joy.

 

Author At Work

It’s official. April 23rd, 2017 is the date of my first release.

As I type this, I expected mountains of anxiety or at the very least pressure to sit on my chest. Instead, what I have is a ton of clarity. It feels right. It’s taking a long time to get myself together, and most days I still feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants. Maybe I am. Whatever the reason, I will take it.

I’ve spent years working hard for other people and watching them profit from my long hours. I loved being a ghostwriter, I still love being a ghostwriter. Income from that  career is what is paying for this one. Eventually, I won’t need to ghostwrite. I will be too busy keeping up with my own work. Until then, I have immense gratitude for even being able to get here.

If you are wondering what to expect from my first release, I will give you a hint. A boy (werewolf) meets a girl(heroine) and they have to overcome their personal hangups in order to be together. It doesn’t say much, right? I know. I’m terrified of revealing too much before it is published and having someone beat me to the press with my premise.

Of course I know all the good tropes are recycled, but I’d like to be the first to tell this story this way. Isn’t that the entirety of what being an author is? Telling an old premise in a way that makes it your own? Don’t worry as we get closer to drop date, I will share more details. Afterall, I can read my work any day of the week. It’s you who I want to be interested.

Mark you calendars, April 23rd, 2017 and be among the first. Also keep posted here for details of how you can receive a free Advanced Reader Copy in exchange for an honest review on Amazon and Goodreads. I’d love for you to be a part of my tribe. Comment below with perks you would like me to include with sign-up!

#theshiftersarecoming

Joy.

Execute: My 2017 Goal List.

I am posting this out of a need for accountability. Everything I have ever accomplished has been because I’ve exposed my cards. It’s a trick to keep myself honest and focused on the tasks I set for myself.

The things I list here as my 2017 goals are only a few of the items I’ve assigned myself. My goal list spans everything from financial plans to spiritual growth. I like it that way.

For the purpose of this blog, I am only including  things that pertain to my businesses, and my writing. It isn’t that I don’t want to include all of you in my process, but some things belong to only me. so I protect them for close friends only.

You know by now that this is the Year of the Leap for me. My goals reflect carray that theme. The things on this list may be minor for some of you. However, they are lofty for me. I’ll list my top five below. They are not ordered by priority, but they do have varying values. Can you guess which one is the heaviest hitter? Leave a comment below with your answer!

 

Author goals of 2017, the Shortlist

publish 4 full length (35,000-40,000 words) by December 1

Beef up my Social Media Following to 3000 over 4 platforms

Publish 4 novellas (20,000-30,000) words

publish 1 compilation of shorts (5,000 words)

Become an Amazon & New York Times Bestseller

What made your shortlist? Don’t forget to comment below!

Joy.

The Year of the Leap: A confession.

I am always afraid.

I wish that was a rhetorical statement, but it is the truest of my truths. I am always, always afraid. It has been crippling, anxiety driven, irrational fears that have largely led me to a life of  happenstance. Instead of charging forward for what I want, I have done the bare minimum so that I am not utterly destroyed if things fall apart. There have been some successes, but mostly there has been mediocrity. A mediocre life does no one justice.

News flash things will fall apart. It is sometimes inevitable.

That isn’t to say that preparedness wouldn’t have helped. On the contrary, preparedness at its base allows for worst case scenarios. It is ready for the expected outcome, and the diversion when the plan changes. It is not dictated by fear. It girths itself for battle. It faces head-on the unforeseen war.

That takes courage and courage takes control over fear. I have learned this the hard way more times than I care to honestly relive. Over the last five years, I have faced head on unforeseen wars, because I have had no choice.

Fall or Fly.

I was pushed from those ledges and I have been navigating blindly ever since. Until now.

In the midst of being pushed an opportunity came my way that I was not prepared for. The only difference this time, was that I had already faced some of my deepest fears. I had courage, because I had nothing else to lose.

Sink or Swim.

I took the opportunity, unsure of where it would lead. It brought me to a hidden dream. One that I had spoken out loud, but never believed I would come to see exist. I didn’t know how to draw it out of myself. I didn’t even know if I could.

Tread Water or Drown.

It was overwhelming and far more than I had expected. If I had known then what I know now, I probably would have convinced myself to say “no”. Someone else could have done it more justice, made it more successful. I wasn’t the one who  could do it right, but I did it well.

I surprised myself. I have aimed to keep surprising myself ever since.

This year, is my Year of the Leap.

Instead of waiting to be  pushed, pulled, or dragged kicking and screaming from my comfort zone I am jumping. I am writing the books for myself that I love. I am building a brand even though I know nothing about branding. I am working long hours, away from the children I prayed for so that one day they will see their mother’s name in print and be proud. I am cracking open.

I am afraid. I  am always, always, always afraid.

There are so many unknowns and the Virgo in me hates unknowns. (Hates!) I want guarantee’s and there is none- save these. I have fallen before. I have flown. I have sunk before. I have swam. I have learned how to tread water. I will not drown.  I will not drown.

I am always afraid. But what is a dream if it does not prompt the absolute need to stare into the monster of the abyss and face it down?

As I look out  into this year, and the unknowns curdle like spoiled milk in my stomach, I know this will be another year that shapes me. I know it will mean some very long nights, and longer prayers. I will force me to admit what I want for myself and those I love. It will force me to confront my shortcomings in a way that I will never believe myself capable of doing. I will have to challenge my most private thoughts in order to accomplish my vision over my life.

It is hard leaving the ledge for an unknown landing, but I have decided to be transformed. I hope it transforms you too.

 

Joy.

Brown Women … Shifter Romance

 

I have a mild obsession with Shifter Romances. I can’t say that enough in part because it still surprises me. My love with Romance writings were largely limited to African-American Romance for most of my life. It wasn’t that I hadn’t read other authors. I am surrounded by romance readers, or really readers period with favorite authors of all persuasions. African-American Romance  appealed to me, because I could always find characters who mirrored the people in my life.

There is a beauty in representation. I enjoyed seeing women who looked, moved, and walked through their lives like the women I knew. I felt indulge when a great romantic writer would invite me in to watch these women wrestling with sometimes complex and other times sweet relationships. I was content to have a life long love affair with African-American Romance  and go on with my Happily Ever After. It was perfect.

It would have stayed that way had I never began freelancing. The thing about being a ghostwriter in a fiction romance capacity is that it opens up various subgenres. At this point in my career, I have read and written everything from Historical Romances to Contemporary Romances. Clean Romances with sweet stories and dirty Erotica’s with steamy finishes. I’ve had  and enjoyed them all, but not like this.

What began for research purposes  so that I could learn the nuance and special details of  Shifter Romances soon became something bigger. I found myself scouring the top 100 on Amazon for names I recognized and titles that jumped out to me.

I loved it. From the cheesy and utterly impossible romances to the smooth, and complexly written layered romances. Everything I loved about Happily Ever After’s was there.  Almost everything I loved was there.

I was missing some representation. Surely, I wasn’t the only woman of color who would swoon over the hero’s and root for the heroines as they navigated their love stories. I was convinced there were authors out there writing Shifter Romances with people of color heroes and heroines, but after countless hours of digging I came up short. There are quite a few authors who write Black Women White Men (BWWM) Shifter Romances, and most couplings followed the trend of a women of color lead and white shifter. Beautiful stories, but not what I was looking to find.

I was falling deeper and deeper in love with Shifter Romances and all I wanted was one couple who looked like my husband and I. I wanted our stories between those pages too. I knew I couldn’t be alone. So, when it came time for me to decide what my focus would be it seemed natural to combine my two greatest romance loves.

Currently, I have several plots that aren’t just A. A. characters. There is a blend  of multi-cultural characters in there with a few combinations. What remains the same is that at least one primary character is A.A. at all times. It’s important to me. I’ve been questioned about whether or not  it is a smart idea to focus on minority characters in my writing. Statistically, books with people of color as their primary leads struggle to reach the heights of their Caucasian counterparts. I’ve written with primary characters in just about every race, and I’ve seen the difference first hand.

However, that little piece of information has done nothing to dampen my mood. I love stories of love triumphing. I love stories of werewolves and were-bears and dragons  fighting the same human battles of love and lust with the added detail of their mixed heritage. I love what it feels like when their wolves surface and it is clear they have chosen a mate. I love writing these stories with people of color as the driving characters.

I am not afraid to thrive in a “niche” market. I’ll be writing what I love and offering up something special from me to people who love it too. My aim is just to do it justice.  Romance is for everyone – even those genres built around “imaginary people.” After all, the Romance genre in all of its glory is about the perfect blend of fantasy and reality. We could all use more of that.

Joy.