5 Ways Failure Has Motivated (and heightened) My Goals

Let’s get the ugly truth out-of-the-way. Not only is failure not fun, it can be completely life-altering and no one escapes unscathed.

I have a tendency to measure my life in failed attempts, which as an entrepreneur can be –whew. Let’s say disheartening. There isn’t a part of me that doesn’t reel in anxiety and/or shame when thinking about some of the great ideas that have died under my fumbling. After years of sleepless nights replaying past leaps at greatness I decided I’d had enough. I had to do things differently. The how/ why is another post for another time. Today, I want to talk about what it was about my shortcomings that made immune to the fear of failing again. So, here are the five ways that my past failure have motivated me to work harder, and strive for even greater goals.

1.The worse that could happen…did.

I’m not gonna spill all my tea here. I will however make it simple. There was a specific year where my world as I knew it collapsed around me. Not the pretty little,  made for tv movie where everything falls apart and by some fluke of honey coated writing it’s put back together again. Hell no. This was catastrophic. Everything I’d struggled to build and hold on to came to a complete and utter public free fall. When the smoke cleared and I was able to survey what survived, the remains were barely noticeable.

There is nothing more eye-opening (and heartbreaking) than  sifting through the rubble of your life.

Not everything could be saved. The things that were saved barely resembled themselves or were never the same. Everything was broken…including me. In the face of my most private fears being exposed, I had nowhere to hide. Those closest to me tried to help, but some lessons don’t allow room for those who have never been through it.

There was nothing I could do to prevent the fallout or prepare for it. Unexpectedly life forced me to sink or swim. For a long time, I simply waited to drown. One morning, I realized this wasn’t the way I was going to die. So, I didn’t. I started to tread water, then doggy paddle, and finally in the deepest water I’ve ever been thrown in, I swam. It was new life and I had no idea what was going to come from it.

When (one of) the worst things that could have happened to me did, I realized that fear didn’t stop it. Suddenly, everything else was less frightening. The monster under my bed had revealed itself so the skeletons in my closest couldn’t terrify me any longer.

2. Fear of openly failing became the least of my concern.

I am naturally cautious. Actually, that is probably the understatement of my life. In the past I was crippled by caution, by fear that at the moment I was closest to what I wanted, I would fall. Often I did. We can talk about self-fulfilling prophecies and such. It wouldn’t have mattered then. The death grip fear had on my life did not allow much room for leaps of faith.  If I couldn’t predict the outcome, it wasn’t worth the risk. My heart heavy, I walked away from several experiences that would have enriched my life. I held on to things/relationship/habits that worked against my goals because they were familiar. (Devil you know and such.) I didn’t have the tools to access the danger ahead and proceed anyway.

After the worst happened, my fears of being empty-handed came to a head. Being cautious, living at the mercy of fear had not protected me. It had not kept me safe or left me unbothered. Keeping my head down, attempting to not ruffle any feathers, and going unnoticed had not saved me. Of course it didn’t. Living in fear is not about being safe, it is about being  controlled. Restrained. When I learned that fear was not my protector, but my prison, I began to understand what harm I was doing to me life.

I had to choose whether I would stay in my prison or escape. I choose to escape.

It was a fumbling mess in the beginning. It still is some days, but now I just don’t care. Okay, I’m lying. I do care. I still struggle to keep thoughts of failure from preventing me from going after my goals. The difference is  I know now that being afraid is not the same as being safe. I have dreams to go after. I have things I want to accomplish that take me far out of my comfort zone. Things  that shake me up, could uproot my life, and permanently change everything I know to be true about myself. I’ve already had that happen. I know how heartbreaking and uncomfortable it is, but growth is not comforting.

3. Growing from my failures made me expand my vision for my life.

When everything changes, everything changes. I have always been a dreamer. I have created entire worlds in my head that I would slip into whenever reality was too harsh to bear. It is my defense mechanism still. I taught myself how to hide in plain sight, and then I realized I couldn’t live in my refuge. I had to grow up. I had to let go of somethings that fed my fear if I was going to survive my personal tragedy. It wasn’t going to be easy.

I didn’t even recognize some of the baggage I’d picked up over the years. So I had no reference point for who to return it too. However, it was uninvited from my party. I was leaving my old life behind and if I couldn’t carry on, I wasn’t checking no bags. Yes, that is grammatically incorrect and a double negative. Bear with me. The positive to come from this was that I had to pack light and only hold on to what I could carry. Loneliness, fear, doubt, low self-esteem, all of these things (and many more) were too heavy to take with me. What was left was hope, faith, love, grace and mercy.  With those things, I began to put my life back together.

I had to be honest with myself about what I wanted to make of my life.

I couldn’t short sell myself anymore. I couldn’t secretly believe it wouldn’t happen. Instead of wishing for a better life, I had to establish what that better life would look like. How I intended to get there, who I wanted there with me, and what I would do to maintain it all begged to be defined. I want to write for a living became and constant search and conversations with people who did write for a living.  I couldn’t be my introverted self. I had to find people who were living parts of the life I wanted and ask them how they did it. Then, I had to do it too.

I’ve tried a lot of things while pulling together my method for the life I wanted. It isn’t perfect, and it isn’t quite there yet. It is coming along though. With every emboldened layer, I filled the voids in my life. I found my voice, became my best advocate and went in search of all the things I wanted.

4. Failing big made me invincible and limitless.

I want to own minimum one hundred acres of land. I want my primary home to be at least 2,500 square feet. I want to be a NYT and USA Today bestselling author. I want a minimum of two of my original works optioned for the small screen and at least one optioned for a big screen film. I want a backlist of over thirty novels and an undecided number of short works.

I will have all my hearts dream, because I work hard and have faith.

Annnnnddddd, because even if I fail again I won’t be intimidated. The best thing that came for the worst thing is that I am now either too stubborn or too foolish to give up on what I want. That list above…is the short list. The running list is between me and God. I know who I am when things fall apart. I know where my faith lies. I know that where I fall short, God provides. I know that if I work hard and fail everyday there will be something I can use in the rubble. I know how to put the pieces back together. I know that if all I have is what I can carry I can turn that into a new life.

Failing is not the death it was for me. Failing is the beginning of the life I want for myself.

Once that happened, I knew fear of falling on my face would never cripple me again. I am not too scarred to take the risk. I can own the bad decisions, the ill-advised choices, and the deep twist and turns life takes me on. It was more frightening to not try than if someone saw me attempt it and fail.

It is amazing what one can do when she has nothing to lose.

5. I realized that what I had to gain was worth the risk I would have to take.

The life that I want to share with my husband, with our children is one that demands I take some bold steps. Risks are  a natural part of  transitioning from being a dreamer into a doer.  Knowing what I know now is the strength I bring to my life. All I have to do is go after it. Yes. I could fail again. Now, I have broadened the audience who would see me fail. If it happens on the scale it has before, it will be a shattering experience. Yet, I persist.

I am worth the numerous false starts because it leads to a great finish. My family is worth the struggle now because it means we with thrive later. When my little darlings grow up, they will have spent their lives seeing their father and I  work hard for them. They will have seen the struggle of going after ones dreams and the value of it. They will know what it means to go for something that doesn’t have an immediate pay out and stick with it until it does.

My failings now have become fuel for the bigger picture of my life. They are part of my story, of my testimony. They make me brave. I have failed, but I am not a failure. It does not define me.

Going forward, I am sure I will have to remind myself of some of this on bleak days. I’m willing to do that. I know how to knuckle down and tread water until i can swim in it. I know how to keep my eyes on salvation and the shore.

So I push and I believe that no matter how things fall apart, they will fall into place again.

None of us are exempt from failure. How are you defeating your fear of failing to expand your life? Comment below with your baby steps and grand plans.

 

Joy.

 

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#JuneReset: 4 ways to reset and accomplish your years goals

June presents the perfect time to reassess those New Years Resolutions and reevaluate any remaining goals.

At least, that has always been my philosophy. We’re six months into 2017 and already I’ve had some major changes to occur in my life. For one, my newest little was born last month. Needless to say life with three littles ages three and under is nothing to sneeze at. It’s the happiest madness I’ve ever had in my life.

That being said, I am a still an author on a mission. I’ve taken out my complete 2017 goal lists  and there are still quite a few things remaining that I want to accomplish. As always, I’ll be sharing my author goals in another post. Today, I want to discuss the importance of assessing the years goal lists and how you can get back on track if you’ve lost your way.

To begin, remember the reason you set the goals. I know the deal, new years makes most of us giddy with possibilities. Goal lists are probably never as long as when the clock strikes twelve and gives us all permission to start over fresh. However, most of us aren’t arbitrarily writing a list. There is a genuine purpose behind every task. By taking stock of why  the particular element made the list to begin, you can rediscover their importance.  Don’t be afraid to downgrade somethings and upgrade others. As long as you are still attached to the goal it has value and is worth revisiting.

Once you’ve reestablished your reason for setting the goal, then prioritize for completion. Every goal does not have the same value as we’ve established. Maybe its assigned value is due to the requirements for completion, or even the amount of time it would take. Maybe it has sentimental value. Determining what happens first not only gives you focus, but also gives you an idea of how to structure the settings for the rest of the year. Number them, color code them, do whatever it takes to decide what needs your attention first. Prioritizing will likely mean rearranging the way things are written on your list. Don’t be alarmed, embrace the changes. Bundle what goals you an overlap, and work your new list.

Adjust your timeline accordingly. Some goals, may seem out of range from your initial schedule. If you’ve missed the deadline for that particular marathon, then pick another with similar features to compete in later in the year. The object is to realize your goals in a way that is both realistic and also fulfills your initial desire.  This is why your reason for setting the goal comes in handy. Get back in the game with a timeline that reflects where you are on your goal list and what you are looking to accomplish.

Just start. You can do it. You’ve missed your initial timeline, and now there is a struggle to find the best time to start again. Do yourself a favor and stop waiting for the perfect time. Start where you are, and ignore that little voice that says “not until”.  The moments you  waste waiting for the ideal time to start can’t be replaced. You have enough time if you start now. Start saving the money for your trip. Start outlining your novel. Start drinking more water, and adjusting your portion sizes. You can’t accomplish anything that you won’t begin. Have faith and begin.

Half the year is behind us, but there is still time to rack up the accomplishments. Just remember what you read here and apply it to your remaining goals and you will be well on your way. You’ll surprise yourself with how much you can still get done. I have faith in you, and you should have faith in yourself. Let’s hold each other accountable to the promises we’ve made ourselves.  Comment below with some of the goals you still hope to complete.

Joy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#AprilAccomplished

Aprils is out of here. You know after deciding, to reset on some of my goals, this has been my most successful month yet.

It was a hard decision to drop the migrated book goals that I had, but it was necessary. As I drew closer to the release of The Alpha’s Dream and the coming birth of my third little one, I had to be honest about my time. A very tough thing to face is knowing that I still want to get those things accomplished, but don’t have a specific timeline for them.

I will have to figure out something, because I’ve already started mapping out my  next release. More updates on that later.

So, here is a goal gut check for the month of April. I’ll tell you exactly how I did.

April Goal List:

-Format The Alpha’s Dream

-Decide on Amazon Exclusivity

-Pick New Release Date for Second Draft

-Execute Phase #2 of Marketing

I completely dismissed all of my migrated goals.

Like I said, it’s been a pretty successful month. I got to everything on this list even though some of the things accomplished were in a more abbreviated fashion.  To break down the list, everything got done. I formatted the Alpha’s Dream after getting it to the Editor. It didn’t make it back in time, so there was a little mix-up with the pre-orders. Alas, all is well. I decided on a release date for my second release, but I’m not going to disclose that yet. When I decide whether release number two will be an  short or a full length release, I will give you all the details.

The hardest thing on the list was deciding on Amazon Exclusivity. For this release, I have decided on the exclusivity.  I struggled with that decision as I would like to make my releases as available as possible. It makes more sense to expand to other platforms and once the three month exclusivity clause of Amazon is up, that is exactly what I plan to do. At this moment, it simply felt like a better choice to exclusively publish on Amazon.  As I grow my book list, we will see what happens next.

The final thing on the list, e xecuting marketing phase two is an ongoing process. Yes, I have begun to work out the kinks of my marketing plan, but it isn’t something that simply ends at a certain point. I’m constantly evaluating what I am doing and working to expand my reach. One of the things I’ve done of late is to set up my author Pinterest account. You can see it here. For visuals of the heroine and hero muses I use to model my characters after and writing resources I find crucial to my process, follow my boards.

I’m proud of the work I have been able to accomplish. My goals are super important if I will end the year the way I plan too. I know your goals are important too. Leave me a comment about some of the ways you’ve managed to stay on track. And, tune in next week for what my May goal list brings!

Joy

#MarchRevisited

March was a busy month. I’m running behind schedule as seems to be the story of my life, but still there was a lot to get done and even more as April flies into view. So let’s get an update on what my March goals were and see where we ended the month.

March Goal List:

-Send off First Newsletter

-Send The Alpha’s Dream to the Editor

-Build up my ARC Lists

-Execute Phase #1 of my Marketing Plan

Migrated Goals:

-Finish Second Novella

-Write/Edit 2 Shifter Shorts

So here are the updates.  The list is still long. I successfully created my newsletter, but have not sent even one out. The Alpha’s Dream did not make it to the Editors as I’m still working on my second draft Edits and the novella and shorts are just plan out of view.

The only things I accomplished completed were Building my arc lists, which is an ongoing thing, and executing part one of my marketing.  Those are two important things and I’m working hard on them, but my aim is always to complete my goal lists.

I’m torn between being completely disappointed that I’m not hitting my lists and also recognizing that I have more time constraints than I give myself credit. This isn’t a fun thing to come to terms with, but it must be done.

I have to just adjust. Adaptability to the circumstances of my life are the only things that will keep me put together right now. My husband, my children, my pregnancy, and all the other events going on have a level of priority that I have to respect. Sigh.

It will only get harder when baby three is here in may, but I have to find a groove. My dream needs to flourish and it means I have to make the time.  No one else is going to do the work for me. Every part of my dream come with it’s on obstacles. I cannot let myself forget that.

Over the next month I will be taking a serious look at my time constraints and determine what are the most important things I must do to keep pushing toward my end game. Hopefully, the conclusion will be a more efficient schedule and better execution. We will see.

Joy.

#MarchMadness

Woot! I’m ready for all March has to offer. At this point, I’m about six weeks from my first release and in a frenzy to get things done well. Don’t worry. I’m still mostly optimistic that it will all get done. Mostly, because I am working my behind off to make sure it does. The struggle is real, but so is the hustle.

So February Goals were good, and I got a ton of things down on my personal goal lists as well as my author lists. I think I’m on pace to do pretty well this month too, but I’ll need your help with a few. Namely my ARC Reviewer sign-up. If you want to be involved, follow the link and get your free reads!

On to business. I have several things on my lists for the month of March. Let me share them with you now, along with the ones that were migrated from February.

March To-Do Goals:

-Send The Alpha’s Dream off to the Editor

–Build my ARC Reviewer Lists

-Send of First Newsletter

-Execute Phase 1 of Marketing Plan

Migrated Goals:

-Finish Second Novella

-Write/Edit 2 Shifter Shorts

Ultimate goal for March is to successfully complete everything on the lists. I want a clean slate coming into April. Hold me to that one! What are you working on this month? Comment below.

Joy.

#GoalDigginUpdate

Alright, time to check in.

When I last updated you guys on Year of the Leap Author goals, I was in wobbly shape. I’m happy to report that February was a good month! I didn’t hit all of my goals, but I did get to most of them. So let’s check on my February Goal lists.

February Goals:

-Create Newsletter

-Select Shorts Premises

-Create/Edit Shorts

-Develop Marketing Plan

-Choose Final Editor

-Finish 2 Novellas

-Prepare Second Drafts

If you followed along last month,  you know there are two goals on that list that are carryovers from January. Suffice to say that  at least one of those thin I being migrated again. the good news is that I did create my newsletter, and you can expect it the fifteenth of this month. Premises for my short are selected and outlined. My marketing plan is tentative, but strong. I still think I’ll do some editing to it, and my Editor is picked. I’m supper exited to work with her.

The Alpha’s Dream was one of the novellas I was hoping to finish and edit. It turned into a novel one all was said and done. I’m excited about its growth and pretty happy to have it flesh out so nicely. I’m excited to share it with you guys as soon as possible. Second drafts are immediately underway!

The elephants in the room are the things I didn’t get done. So here is the list of things that I am carrying over to my March Goal lists.

Migrating Goals:

-Finish 2nd Novella

-Write/Edit 2 Shorts

I love keeping you updated on the progress I’m making, and I’m just as interested in the goals you keep. How is your year going so far? Did you hit your February goals? Leave your comments below.

Joy.

February Gut Check: A GoalDigging Update

Whooo! Just like that January has come and gone. My head is still spinning. I’m not sure I didn’t lose my mind a little mid-month, but whatever. I ‘m technically still functioning.

Anyway, first order of business #BlackHistoryMonth is finally here! In a lot of ways, I feel like I wait all year for Black History Month.  I just love being inundated with my heritage in a way that embodies its strentghs, and the struggles. Give me every Harriet Tubman three-line poem in the church play. Bring me the babies dressed as Marion Anderson, and Madame C.J. Walker. Please beloveds, link me to the Facebook live of your baby impersonating George Washington Carver, and Martin, and Malcolm and all of them. I’m here for all of that and every beautiful brown story in between. Its presence is a critical part to American History, and the more often we honor that the better. Love it.

In honor of those who’ve come and gone before me, I’m working hella hard to  claim my space as an author. We’ve talked extensively about my views on goals, setting and executing. Today, I’m forcing accountability on myself and addressing my goal list head on. This is a gut check, a reflection on what goals I did and didn’t reach for the month of January.

As you all know, I’m on a tight schedule. Baby love  number three will be here in four months! Yeah, you know I’m losing it. Time is of the essence and I have to get tons of things done before the little precious arrives. So, here is the update.

Five things I was supposed to accomplish in January:

-Establish my blog

-Set up Author Media Accounts

-Write two Novellas

-Edit two Novellas

-Prepare for Second Drafts

Five Things I actually accomplished in January:

-Established my blog (Hey boo!👋🏾😘)

-Set up my Author Media Accounts (Like,Follow,Subscribe💻💻)

😫 That’s a sad list. I have a ton of reasons for why I slacked off on finishing the writing I intended to do, but excuses don’t get shit done. I’m in the get shit done phase of my life for the rest of my life. Point. Blank. Period. (Do people even say that anymore?) It doesn’t matter. My point is made.

To catch up, I’m working extra hours, because migrated goals are just that. I still have five things to do this month (February) in order to keep on my rigorous schedule and my failure to complete January tasks just added three more. Time to get organized, and get productive. Maybe I should post my timeline for accountability sake! Only if you promise to comment encouraging things and keep me on track!?! Or, I can just self-motivate and execute. These are my goals. Let me show you how serious about them I am. Comment below with your migrated goals and we can help each other get them done.

Joy.

 

4 rules to goal picking for success.

 

I’m ambitious, but ambition doesn’t always  translate into time management or even a completed to-do list. I aim to change most if not all of that in 2017, but to do so requires a plan.

Everyone knows this is the time of year for resolutions and healthy projections about the year to come. In all the holiday craziness this hardly seems a great time to set goals for the new year. Yet, most of us will.There is just something about the turning over of a new year that makes everything seem possible. Still, all of those good feelings don’t generally come with a guidebook. There’s not always  a great way to turn good intentions into accomplishments. So, I decided that in order to give myself  the best chance at knocking things off my  bucket list I had to start with a clear plan.

Set some goals. Make a plan. Execute.

Simple enough except I’m a Virgo and nothing is ever that simple. The over analytical side of me hopped right up to the plate to determine exactly how complex I could make this simple task, starting with setting my goals for the year. Just before I was utterly defeated, I found a way to streamline my process and ensure the goals I picked for this year were achievable.

I’m sharing my process now, because I know I’m not the only one who could use a little guidance when determining goals. This four rule process helped tremendously when it came time for me to narrow my years goals down. With any luck, it’ll help you too.  Use what you can, discard what you can’t, and be sure to leave a comment about what you would do differently!

Rule 1: Goals must be reasonable.

I’m a wife, and a work-from-home mom who is currently pregnant. Time is of the essence. Any goals I set for the year  have to be carefully woven into an already stretched day. I have to be honest with myself when determining what things  I can accomplish in the loving chaos that I live in. This isn’t a chance to short myself by not choosing heavy hitters who drive my purpose. I still have to do the work of forward movement. In order to orchestrate this, I must choose goals that are obtainable if nothing changes and flexible when everything does.

Example. I will read 100 books in 2017 vs. I will read 52 books in 2017.

An effective goal has both a deadline and is measurable, but more on that later.

For my schedule anything more than a book a week is too high of a commitment. So my goal must take this into consideration. However, it is not unreasonable within my schedule to find time for one book a week. Even though, it would probably be easier to commit to only one book a month it would not be challenging. I want the challenge.

Rule 2. Goals must feed mind, body, and/or soul.

This one is layered for me. Most often in my busy schedule if something or someone is to be neglected it is me. Putting myself last on the list can sometimes make room for our families bigger picture, but when I am depleted everything in my house seems to stop. In order to continuously be a loving, supportive wife and a loving, devoted mother I have to make time for things that renew me. I must find the time. My goals must prioritize my needs and still honor the needs of those I love.

Goals are personal even though they have rippling effects in some cases.

Example. Taking a twenty minute walk alone to clear my head is not always feasible. However, walking the dogs with my husband and children keeps everyone occupied, gives us quality time and still allows me a little internal space to clear my head. Not to mention, the healthy benefits of a little fresh air and mobility.

You now what your needs are. Do not be afraid to pencil them into your goals. Burn out, fatigue, anxiety are all very real. If you (or I) ignore the needs of the mind, and body the soul will suffer every time. Your goals should offer every imaginable opportunity to bring out the best in yourself to yourself.

Rule 3. Goals must challenge.

Here’s the deal. Goals are about growth. No one grows from remaining comfortable. If a goal does not push, pull, or at the very least coax me out of my comfort zone (comfortable way of thinking, feeling, or doing things) then they are not productive goals.

I have to do the work, to push myself toward greater accomplishments  at the risk of being uncomfortable. Things that don’t move, rust. While contentment for what I have when I have it is great, stagnation is not. In  the words of Walt Disney… Keep moving forward.

Rule 4 . Goals must have a sense of urgency.

Deadlines are not fun, but they are effective. Executing my goals with efficiency and maximizing my ability to remain focused on them requires an end date. In fairness, the end date must be realistic to the goal. Most goals have layers, different requirements. Consider them individually and honestly when working on your timeline.

Deadline example.

No matter how hard I try, I am not gong to trim 7 inches from my waist in 48 hours.

7 inches in 30 days is a realistic deadline and honest to my metabolism, and health routines.

By being honest with yourself about your timeline, you increase the likelihood of success for that goal. Gives yourself the best shot to be successful. The endorphin release is worth it.

I used these rules as a foundation for all of my goal setting. It is by no means a definitive list nor am I an authority on goals, but I have had some success because of them.

By all means, take what you will from my little list of rules. Edit them, discard what does and doesn’t work for you. Do whatever you must, but make goals and stick to them. No matter how small or large, all the positive changes we willingly make for our lives are significant changes. Just don’t be afraid to take the leap.